The “Firsts”…. without your baby
Love, Support, & Butterfly Kisses from Jenn on how to make it through… “The Firsts”
This was very hard for us because Christmas was 5 days after Lucca’s death. I don’t know how we got through it- I honestly can’t remember much. I had a lot of stuff done before hand because I thought I would be busy with a newborn. It’s important to develop some traditions if it will make you feel better. We received some beautiful memorial ornaments as presents that we still hang on the tree. We hang his stocking every year. Talk to your family before the holiday and decide what traditions to honor.
- Make an ornament to hang on the tree in honor of your baby.
- Light a candle in honor of your baby during the holidays.
The only thing that helped me on this day was taking my 3 existing children to the cemetery. It was very important for me to be with ALL of my children on this day.
This is a hard celebration because we are supposed to be thankful and count our blessings on this day. I found myself trying to feel thankful for the days that we had with Lucca, even though there weren’t enough of them.
I found myself wanting to make this day special for my husband, but he actually was ok with just doing something fun with our other children. I always ask him what he wants to do and it’s usually a family outing of some sort. He also likes to go to the cemetery on his own the week before or after Father’s Day so that he can have some time alone with Lucca. Ask your husband how you can help him make this day memorable for him.
This one might not be very hard for most people but because it is was a day to think about those people we love and the fact that Lucca died because of a heart defect, it was important for me to get through this day. My husband wrote a beautiful poem titled “You Had a Broken Heart” that I like to read on this day. It is very simple and beautifully written.
We had a small ceremony at the cemetery with our loved ones. I said a few words, the kids sang the Johnny Appleseed Prayer, and we talked about how Lucca has affected our lives. Then everyone received a balloon with a card attached to it. We took a few minutes to write a note to Lucca and then released them into the sky as we sang “Happy Birthday”. The kids hoped they would reach Heaven so Lucca could read them. It was very beautiful looking up into the sky at all of those balloons. It was amazing to watch my balloon and Vince’s balloon because even though we had released them from our grasps at different times, they found each other in the sky and were the only two balloons to stay close together as they sailed upward.
This is a day that I just wish I could’ve skipped over. It remains, after almost 7 years, the hardest day of the year for me. I try to do something good for others on this day. I take a trip to the NICU and bring a treat for the nurses and doctors. Mostly we just spend a quiet day together as a family. Sometimes I don’t even get out of my pajamas.
Don’t expect everyone to remember the baby’s birthday or anniversary. If you expect too much, this will just add to your disappointment when they forget. Instead, be pleasantly surprised and thankful when people do remember.
Losing my baby has become a part of my life. It’s part of who I am and I’m proud of that fact.
Seeing my baby in nature helps me to feel close to him. A beautiful sunset, a rainbow, a hummingbird, sunlight through the trees, and, of course, butterflies- they all remind me of Lucca.
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